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"I do help around the house." Really means... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket." "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means... "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon." "What did I do this time?" Really means... "What did you catch me doing?" "You look terrific." Really means... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I missed you." Really means... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means... "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." Really means... "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means... "I forgot our anniversary again." "That's women's work." Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless." "You know how bad my memory is." Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

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