• "I do help around the house." Really means... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
  • "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means... "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."
  • "What did I do this time?" Really means... "What did you catch me doing?"
  • "You look terrific." Really means... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
  • "I missed you." Really means... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
  • "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means... "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."
  • "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
  • "That's interesting, dear." Really means... "Are you still talking?"
  • "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means... "I forgot our anniversary again."
  • "That's women's work." Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
  • "You know how bad my memory is." Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
  • "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
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